You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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