I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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