We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sorry my hands just texted you
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
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