When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am midnight drunk by noon
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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