I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
