I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
