After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
