yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
