Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
