my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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