i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
