spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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