I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Randomize
