i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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