I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
