sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
