yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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