I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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