he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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