You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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