Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
