my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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