Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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