My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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