i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
