if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
