babies were throwing up all over the place
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
