JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
