Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
