This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
