I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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