If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
