I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
