halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
