Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
