So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
