Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
