I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
