he puts the penis in happiness.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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