Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Two words: nipple clamps
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