M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
