it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
