people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
