So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Randomize
