I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
