And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
