i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
