I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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