i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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