When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Are we still banned from the library?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
