My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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