Redeem this text for a blowjob
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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